This is our 7th Mother’s Day without my late wife. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. But I can’t change things. All I can do is to continue to do the best that I can.
The reason I’m writing sharing this is because I want other young widowers to know that they’re not alone in dealing with the challenges of Mother’s Day after their wife has died.
Pain & Gratitude
There are no words to appropriately convey how I feel on this day. Every year this day will contain difficult & painful memories. It’s not possible to get away from that. Having read up lots about grief, I decided early on into my grief journey, that I would embrace the painful moments. Both for my own sake but also for my boys.
Alongside the pain, there are also some things that I’m grateful for.
- I’m grateful that I get to be my boys mum & dad
- I’m grateful for my grandmother, who stepped up and was a mother to me
- I’m grateful for the mother figures in my life that have over the years taken me under their wing
- I am thankful for the women in the past few years who have stood by me and who have been a mother to me during such a difficult time
- Those same women who have also played the role of grandmother to my boys
- The women who play a motherly role in my boys lives
- The mothers who invite my boys over to parties and playdates and that don’t shy away from me being a solo parent
- The mothers that I meet who are strangers but when they hear our story feel compelled to say that I’m doing a great job of raising my boys
I could go on, as these are just a few of the things that I’m grateful for. Some may find it strange that I can be grateful. After all, look at what my boys and I have been through. But the way I look at it is that I get to see my boys every single day. With all the highs and lows of their life, I’m right by their side. Doing everything that is within my power, to make their lives as meaningful as possible. My late wife was robbed of that. So it is absolutely a privilege for me to be able to do what I do.
The Impact of Mother’s Day
Over the years it’s become clear that Mother’s Day is such a personal thing for all of us. There is no wrong or right way to celebrate or not celebrate it. There’s just your way. If someone doesn’t like or agree with your way, then that’s okay. Well, as long as they don’t try and argue with you that your way is wrong and their way is right.
So for this Mother’s Day, whatever it means to you, be happy, sad, hurt, angry and whatever emotion it is that you identify with, as that is your lived experience.
